Thursday, April 9, 2009

Vaca Post

Day 1:
Thursday April 9th

- I got up relatively early, at 7:30. I went to my internship today. When I got there I was set to work on a roladex which is a big round wheel of little papers. I organized it and finished sooner than was expected. I made conversation with them later on, it was a good break from the silence and after I was done I sat on the couch near them and chatted. My advisor was pretty excited that I got the rolodex done and said it was marvelous. (Marvelous sounds like a funny word.) I was alittle more in my own world for awhile because I was just thinking about things, but I wasn't totally out of it. I asked them about their work and she told me about one of the clients and how some people are very disorganized. My advisor told me about what we were going to do next time, with all the articles. I was looking forward to it because I felt like all that work was actually going somewhere. She told me I was a great intern, so I wanted to be a good intern because she thought of me like that? I wonder if I am a pleaser by nature, but I recall a bunch of times in the past when I didn't care, but I think at some point I decided that if it was a good expectation, I may as well push myself to meet it. I wouldn't lose anything by trying. I was happier later on when we went to lunch and we talked. They walked me to the train station and that was nice, it was on their way. I was happy when I hugged them goodbye because it was a really familiar hug? It just made me feel comforted. My stomach was full by the end of it. I think I ate a bit too much. But the food made me feel satisfied.

-Update-
Sunday, April 12th

Today I went with my mom for her colonoscopy and while I was in the waiting room I took out an Arts and Craft's magazine I had in my bag. I was happy reading it because it gave me alot of cool ideas that I could do. It has food recipes and diy stuff and I really enjoy reading over it. There was one that showed you how to make cool patterns and designs with paint, like wood grain, or graham, and you could actually use it when painting the walls. So I liked to read stuff like that. Well the lady next to me asked me if she could read it and I said alright and handed over the magazine. I was looking at her and I realized that she was bending the edges of the pages with her thumb and it was getting creased. Okay this may sound totally obssessive compulsive but it was bothering me. After about five minutes I asked her (nicely) if she could stop bending the sides. She smiled and said okay. I guess she didn't understand me because she continued doing it. After another few minutes I asked her again. She said the same thing, she countinued doing it but this time turned the pages slower...I was going to ask her again and before I finished speaking she handed the magazine back. After that I wanted to call my friend to tell her about it but I left my phone at home. I was going to ask my mom for her's but she was getting her colonoscopy, so I sat there for about half an hour in silence. Then I decided to do something. I had a pencil in my pocket and wrote a story (not about the magazine lady...). It gave me something to turn my energy to and I liked it. I started doodling on the paper after I got stuck. Then I was reminded about what happened and started feeling anxious not being to say anything. (I sometimes fret until I'm able to get it out and then I feel better and I forget about it). Well after that one of the doctors called me in and I saw my mom. I asked her how she was feeling and she said she was fine. My mom told me we would have to wait for the doctor. I gave her a hug and asked if I could use her phone. I called my friend immediately. She laughed when I told her my story and reacted like I thought she would and called me anal. I laughed too and was really animated and happy to talk after being silent for so long.

When the doctor came, I told her I'd finish telling her the story later. He said he thought it sounded like a good story (haha a story about a lady creasing a magazine is a great story) I told him that it was. The doctor later thought I was going to do an english major (for some odd reason) and said that out of nowhere. I wondered whether the interns at his office majored in premed and what their personalities were like and wondered if he thought that because he thought my personality was of someone who typically wanted to major in english was like. I told him "Sure." even though I wasn't planning on majoring in English and let him think what he wanted. Okay so afterwards I went to the restaurant with my mom and she told me that I'd have to carry everything because she couldn't carry heavy things. I said alright. I held the door for an older couple. I'm happy to be able to do things for people. Sometimes I feel strange when they do things for me though. Sometimes I feel guilty when I feel like I haven't done the right thing, my friend says I'm just oversensitive because I get that way even about the small things. I would be compared to most people I suppose. My mom's friends came over and said stuff about my looks and height, and I just say thank you and smile, but even though they're compliments sometimes I feel weird. I'm fine with my looks, so it doesn't have anything to do about that. I know that people's friends probably say that all the time about someone's daughter or son but I perfer to hear those kind of things when its about my mind, or on some project I worked hard on, otherwise I find it strange. My mom's friend has two daughters, both in middle school. I was touched when the little one, Jessie asked for a group hug when leaving, because that was something I had said when I hadn't seen them for a while. I thought it was very sweet. Okay this post is getting a bit long and its only 2 days. I'm going to visit colleges on Tuesday, update again once I get there.

-update-
Tuesday, April 14th

I went on a college trip for a few days during my vacation for 3 days and two nights and the program I went with tried to make sure we got the most of the day so we would wake up at 6 am and be at the hotel around 10. I visited 8 colleges by the end of the trip. For the first two days I was pretty cheery in the morning. That's partly because I got a smoothie and there's a shop called cup and saucer's and the owner there is so nice, he gave me a free glazed donut to go with my smoothie. It brought my mood up for the day. Once there everyone there around 50 people got into a circle and yelled out our names. We visited two colleges today, Bingmington and Cornell. I like Bingmington because I like how the food system worked and everything is just super cheap. I also liked how everything is student run, and the students get to decide where they put the money. When I went to Cornell, it had a nice campus, but it felt too large for me. It seemed like the kind of place where you could go without having anybody talk to you and it would be easy to be by yourself but also because of that I thought it might make it harder to connect with someone. The tour guide mentioned that some people do have trouble doing that because of the large campus size. I knew immediately that my friend would want to go there because that seemed like what she wanted.

-Update-
Tuesday April 14th

It was early in the morning so I was surprised it was opened and it was a good way to start off the morning. I liked the trip because I got to get the "feel" of the campuses and listening to some of the people made me feel motivated to apply and try to get into alot of club because it reminded me there was more to college than just school, and that I wanted to experience that as well. My mood was rather optimistic overall.

-Update-
10:00 pm Wenesday April 15th

We visited four colleges today, it was crazy. I kept falling asleep on the bus and my seatmate kept pushing me off her shoulder. At Ithaca I learned about a program called HEOP, where they would pay for a whole 5 years of college if needed, room and board included, as well as giving you a stipend of $700 for your textbooks, but I was disappointed to learn that you had to have a academic handicap to get in, like if you had low grades but high SATs or vise versa, they said they wanted to help students that wouldn't traditionally have gotten in otherwise. I could understand it and for a few seconds considered purposely flunking the SAT but decided not to. But even when I was tired I felt emotionally healthy because I knew that it was from all the walking and the trip and alot of other people also felt tired. Because we had such a packed day I was tired when we got home at 11. I pretty much dragged myself to brush my teeth and went to sleep.

-Update-
Thurs, April 16th

Today I visited Syracuse and Albany U. I enjoyed it because the tour guides today were very enthusiastic and informative. While on the lunch line, there came an awkward pause when the line and myself included where waiting for the lunch lady to clean up, it took around 10 minutes. The person next to me asked me what she had said, I told him what I heard "something about cleaning up". While I was waiting for her and I started thinking about whether I should say anything. Then I thought this was kind of like Existential Psychology's self actualization or at least what I had read of it. I wanted to start a conversation with a stranger or become the kind of person who could and that psychology argues that people are always striving for perfection, or to become an individual. It also asks what it means to be human. I wondered about the whole college process, what did that mean. Each thing we do, contributes to who we are. Going to college was another experience to do that. It is how we choose to live that makes each of us what we are. "We each create ourselves." Maybe that's part of the process. Everything seems to be part of the process. I was feeling contemplative for a few seconds on line. Then the food came and I went to my table.

When I came home from the trip, it was 10 at night and my mom picked me up. She asked me what I thought and I told her. When I mentioned that I didn't see myself going to Cornell, she told me that it was a good name, because it was famous and alot of people would reconize it. That annoyed me because even if that was true that didn't mean it would be a good fit for me. I didn't really want to talk about college related stuff with her. I told her later about how I called my friend's mom by accident on the way home and thought it was her. I took me a while to realize that it wasn't my mom, and I was pretty confused because I was thinking what is she saying? why is she taking so long to reply... and then it hit me that I called the wrong number. My friend laughed at me when she heard and my mom did too. When I handed the phone to my friend she hung up and her mom called a few minutes later, I found out later that her mom thought I was her during that call. My mood was pretty tired because it was so late. I was annoyed when I got home because my little brother was being a drama queen. He's very dramatic and likes to make a mountain out of a molehill. (well that was what he was doing when I came home) actually he was screaming like a banshee. I went to sleep and ignored it and was in a slightly annoyed mood. When I came back to the city, I felt a definite shift in mood from when I was in the rural and suburban areas, the tone was just changed.

Well thanks for reading my rambling, that seems to be the appropriate word.

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